Note from Maestro: I didn’t actually write this, one of the channel regulars did and asked me to post it. They wanted to remain anonymous for various reasons. This probably won’t be very funny to people who don’t hang out on the IRC channel, but for the IRC regulars it’ll be a lot of fun. If you don’t already, visit us on the IRC Channel, we even have a Java client available that you can use to connect from your browser.
Edit (2007/07/24, 19:00): Updated with some new info from the author.
The Setting… At the frontier of the Internet, there’s a small IRC network called IRCHighWay. It’s not an especially large or busy place, but it’s interesting enough. On that network, there’s a small channel called #animeblogger. There aren’t many people there, but there are enough people to make it a place worth visiting. People roll through every now and then, meeting with the regulars or just by accident. No one’s really sure anymore how it got started or how they wound up there, but it’s a place called home by many now.
There are the men above the law. These guys are beyond the reaches of the local law. Although they bow before national pressures, there’s no one else in town that has a chance against them. Maestro, as they call him lives in a large mansion at the end of Main Street. No one knows his real name, but Victorian in design, some people suspect it’s not just design, but is actually from the Victorian era. Lately he’s been in ill health, missing from his usual perch on the porch that overlooks the town. But if you’re lucky, you can catch him sitting there, cigar in hand directing operations and settling disputes.
Kaspar is the other man to watch out for. No one’s really sure what he does, but everyone knows that he and Maestro go way back together. He lives in a small house off Bot Street, which is off Main Street. It’s a small affair, and a bit run down looking. There’s a rickety old garage next to it too. I myself have heard and seen the strange noises and lights that come out some times. That’s part of the charm, or perhaps no one knows quite what to say to him about it.
For the size of the population, it’s a straight up place. The number of Town Sheriffs is at an amazing ratio with the Regular Folks. It’s between these two lots that most of the interaction takes place. The number one Sheriff would have be the one known as Fate. One of the only female residents in down, she literally lives in her office, in the middle of Main Street, across from the Bank. They say she never ages, but no one person other than Maestro’s been around long enough to say for sure. Luckily for law breakers, she’s of a cheerful disposition, rarely punishing with more than a thwack. I’ve even heard you can get off the hook entirely if you give her chocolate, but be careful not to insult her with a bribe.
Living in an older section of town, near Kaspar, you can find the residences of two older, nearly retired lawmen. Kur0gan3 and Byakko are senior officers in town. Byakko is a mostly quiet fellow. He gives off an air of grandiose when he’s on the porch of the Sheriff’s office, sitting in his old rocker. I’m sure he’s keeping an eye on the happenings of both up and down the street, a bit like Maestro. Kur0gan3 is a bit younger at heart if nothing else. He’s an active fellow, patrolling the town and interacting with the citizens. Everyone knows him and if you ask anyone, you’ll find out that he’s just as nice as you’d imagine from your friendly neighborhood officer.
Two new boys just took up working at the Sheriff’s office recently too. Mellow Bunny’s quite the character, but fair at heart. He gives everyone a laugh as he changes names and isn’t afraid to get down and dirty with business. He lives near the old section of town, behind the General Store. Sometimes you see him helping out there, behind the counter and in front of the shelves and shelves of sweets. If you ever need something sweet, it’s the place to go.
The other new boy is Guru3. Another quiet one, he lives down the street from Kaspar on Bot Street as well. No one’s quite sure how he got employed at the Sheriff’s office anymore, because he’s rarely seen in town. He’s mostly holed up in his home, banging away with wrenches and hammers, working on some crazy invention. In the early morning or late evening, you can catch a glimpse of him as he staggers into town for a drink at the Saloon.
There are three understudies for the Sheriff’s office in town too. That may seem like a lot, but with how much they all slack off, it’s necessary. Impz was the first one hired, but rumor is he’s really in Maestro’s back pocket. He even lives next door to him, in a small cottage type affair. It’s even got a small garden. Still, doing odd jobs for the big man certainly doesn’t leave much time for proper studies. So that’s where Guncannon comes in.
Everyone thought that that’d be a shoe in at first, but living on the edge of town must have been a bit harmful to the mind, because he’s got a few obsessions. If you ever take the trip out to his place, you’ll see a nice house gone towards ruin, shutters hanging off the windows at crooked angles and weeds in the window boxes. No one knows what happened to that place, but everyone’s heard Guncannon muttering under his breath about Shiori… who ever that is…
So with another strike out that everyone feels bad about firing, rankendrake was hired. A bit sensitive about his name, he’s usually tucked away in the office, and like a good understudy should be, taking notes on what’s going on. He lives down near Kaspar and Guru3, in a sort of loft affair. When you go into his home, it’s spacious and organized. The floor’s clear and there’s a potted plant in every corner of the room.
But of course in town, you can’t just have a town made out of the law. There are the Regular Folks too. Bj0rn runs the bank. He’s not exactly the fine upstanding citizen you’d expect to be in charge of a place that everyone drops their money, but somehow he’s managed so far. He’s got a bit of a fiery temper and isn’t afraid to shout. There’s some speculation that his mere reputation keeps people of unfortunate disposition away. Quite unusually, he lives in the upper story of the bank. You can make a deposit or withdrawal anytime of day, if you’re willing to pay a bit extra.
Vissione is the manager of the General Store. He’s been running it for a while now, and while it may be lacking on some necessities like food, water, clothing, it’s always stocked with sweets (thanks to Mellow Bunny) and DVDs. Why DVDs? There seems to be an overwhelming demand in town. Oddly enough, he doesn’t live on the premises, but leaves guarding the place up to his rear neighbor and retreats into his condominium down from Maestro’s place. He’s either there or in the Saloon, getting rambunctious with everyone else.
Sasa runs the Saloon, the towns most popular hangout. If they’re not out working or doing something else, you can usually find almost anyone else here. Probably because she’s about the only woman in town, everyone just flocks around her. She lives on the premises, and has Fate stand guard around the place at night. It’s that scary sometimes. She’s also about the only foreigner in town. When ever you enter the place you’ll be greeted by a cheerful ‘Moin!’ and served a cool drink of your choosing.
There’s one particularly odd fellow whom keeps needing to be dragged out down to his place, and that’s RunningKid. Poor boy is just smitten with Sasa, and can’t hold his liquor to boot. He lives next to Guru3 on bot street, and usually as he’s stumbling back home under Guru3′s arm, you can hear him shouting about being pro. When he’s relatively sober, almost everyone is unlucky enough to have the misfortune of seeing one of his infamous pelvic thrusts… It’s not something worth elaborating on.
JTFish has the local paper route. You’ll get your paper on time in the morning, but no one’s ever seen where he lives, or can tell how old he is for that matter. Just, shortly after six and as regular as clockwork, a fresh paper, pristine folded, will find itself in your letter box. One of these days we really will have to pay better attention and find out from under which rock he crawls.
Next to Kaspar is the house of Hikago. An elaborate affair with three chimneys and a four car garage, it’s been falling into disrepair lately. Lights still go on and off at home, but no one’s seen Hikago in town for a while now. The sheriffs are debating whether or not to break into his home and find out what’s going on. If they did, they’d see a mess of electronics and posters. An odd combination, but so was Hikago. Everyone does hope he’s OK.
At the other end of Main Street, away from Maestro’s house, on the corner there, is a small run down Magazine shop. Dimly lit with dirty windows and a dusty display, it’s oddly enough one of the main attractions in town. Run by old man Zaitcev, the shop itself is a fixture of the town. When Zaitcev took over, people were afraid the character of the place would change, but they needn’t have feared. Zaitcev and the shop are a perfect match, the place is as it ever was, and business is as good as ever too.
The old shop owner, Jinyamato appears to be on some sort of hiatus. One day he simply up disappeared leaving the shop unlocked and the keys in the till. His house in the old section of town now stands abandoned, shutter closed and front door boarded up. The shutters on one of the second story windows has broken and mischievous children appear to have broken it by throwing rocks. His disappearance has been noted, but no one’s especially worried. They figure he’ll simply show up again one day.
The local library is run by DKellis. A well versed man, his appearance suits his speech. Almost always dressed in a proper tuxedo, top hat included, he gives up a pompous air. You can see him strolling down Main Street on his way to open up the library, where he sits reading and giving rather long winded lectures to anyone who stops by. He doesn’t talk much but when he does, he really gets on a roll.
Extrange inhabits the doctor’s office. Even though he’s not much of a medical man, he’s always ready to talk. Sometimes he even does pull out his rusted old med kit and help those that have accidentally side stepped, dodged, and jumped out of doors. Abnormally tall in posture, his doctor’s coat comes barely to his knees and while a jumbo stethoscope is around his neck, he mostly manages to refrain from giving off too comic an air. It would be a shame if someone died of laughing when they saw him, after all.
Of course there can be no doctor’s office with out patients. This town features a number of people that suffer from temporary amnesia and split personalities. One man called saturnine has been visiting the office lately. When he can remember where he lives, he’s off at his home, writing in his funny little notebook. His home, of course, is nothing fancy. An average apartment in the only building more than two stories for miles around.
This apartment building, owned by aurabolt and managed by lolkitsune is where most of the low income town inhabitants live. Most of the building is in a state of sad disrepair, with many a sink clogging and elevator malfunction. It’s always safer to take the stairs there if you ever visit, and don’t worry about the empty reception desk. Lolkitsune is probably only passed out behind it, although no one has checked for a while and so no one is really sure about that at this point.
Aurabolt, however, doesn’t have anything to do with running the place. No one’s even seen him near it, but it’s common knowledge what he does with the rent. He takes it and spends it on furthering his “artistic genius” as he likes to call it. We’re still waiting for him to hit it big. Maybe one day, but that day hasn’t come yet. You do have to feel for the people in the building though, seeing their rent hanging on the walls.
Believe it or not, there is a brothel in town. Sentinel011 is the owner, but he’s having a hard time of it with neither mistress nor girls at his disposal. He usually just locks up shop and sits over his drink in a corner of the Saloon, staring at Sasa with greedy eyes. Most everyone else in town is a regular citizen of no special standing. Sure they’re characters, and you’ll find them in the Saloon talking away with everyone else, but they’re nothing special.
The ones you have to watch out for are the bandits. Folks that storm into town !lists blazing, hoping to take people by surprise. Fortunately, there are enough lawmen here that pay attention that it’s no problem at all. There are even wanted men, complete with bounties are on their head. InternationalDude has gotten himself a real bad reputation for robbery and extortion. Rumor is he’s been driven out of town for good, but next time he steps up into town may be the last.
Yes, it is an interesting place. If you’re ever in this region of the internet, come visit us all at #animeblogger. Drop in, say hello. Put some money in the bank, have a drink at the saloon. Get some DVDs at the general store or a magazine at the ‘shop. If you like the place enough, settle down. Buy a house or rent an apartment. Everyone’s friendly and there’s no key to the town gate. So yes, do stop by.
Wow, they listed almost everyone. Good job.
Hahaha, I actually laughed out loud during several parts of this. I’ve been hanging out in the AB IRC for a couple months now, even though I only really have a chance to talk to a few people because of time zone things and rl “work” away from the computer. I’m there enough to get to know the regulars though, and they these descriptions are actually very accurate xD! The AB IRC channel is definitely one of the most fun places to hang out in the animeblogger community, and we get to meet all kinds of people from all over the world ^.
This is fail. It didn’t say hikago’s my otouto.
fail indeed, i know im currently inactive but where is my “profile”!
i guess i try too hard…
(goes to a dark corner)
Ah, good timing, aku. This gives me some idea.
Apparently, it was written by someone who hasn’t been around for too long. Every long time “regular” should know that akurashy used to dominate the channel. Hmmm, time for further investigation.
lol, this is like an investigation?
Well it doesn’t bother me a bit but seriously talking its not that humorous >_
ZOMFG?! WTF?! I got teh moneh!!! =D Do i have such as weird temper? =/
and RK is my fanboy! he wants all the money to himself to get more Shanas
o.O how come I get to run a non-existant brothel?? WHO WROTE THAT I DEMAND TO KNOW!!
.. and the author got my nickname wrong. >_>;;;
Lies and accusations!
> o.O how come I get to run a non-existant brothel??
> WHO WROTE THAT I DEMAND TO KNOW!!
I can’t answer why you’re the one running the brothel, and I’m not telling who wrote it, unless they decide to stop being anonymous.
> .. and the author got my nickname wrong. >_>;;;
That I can fix easily enough for you.
Dammit I’m not in it >_< lol I should go on more
Uguu~ It’s not that I’m sensitive of my own name, just sensitive whenever people start calling me rake/farming tool…
> Lies and accusations!
LOL! GC, don’t deny it, you
i lawled hard at that one, especially the part about sentinel011… lulz. nicely written =p
’bout time for an update, what with the new people around ^^;